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A Spiritual Response to the Virginia Tragedy
By Rabbi Irwin Kula
Randomness,
unpredictability, and eruptions of violence are part of the human
experience, and the senselessness of this reality moves us to ask: Why do
such things happen? Why do innocent people get cut down so mercilessly? What
causes a person to act so savagely? In trying to understand, we analyze and
dissect, offering prescriptions (stricter gun control, less gun control,
improved campus security, better monitoring of students’ mental health,
tightened immigration, etc.) all to gain back “control” to insure that such
tragedies never happen again.
To cope, there are three spiritual truths that should underlie our actions
in the immediacy of this tragedy: We are never as powerful or secure as our
fantasies, and never as powerless or insecure as our nightmares; healing
requires that we move from the question of why this happened to what can we
do now to help people more directly affected and vulnerable than ourselves;
our individual lives are precious, unique, irreplaceable and fragile, and we
are all interdependent and responsible for each other.
The spiritual imperative at a moment of tragedy is for those “least
affected” to care for, listen to, and support those on the inner circle who
have been most hurt. This circle includes people who lost loved ones or had
a loved one injured, victims, survivors, eye-witnesses or other close
relationships. To comfort those in greater pain than ourselves compels us to
connect to other human beings precisely when we might turn inward and
creates a currency of healing and empowerment that runs through the society.
Now is not the time for blaming, finger pointing, or politicizing events
(e.g. debating gun-laws) there will be plenty of time for that later. Now
the mandate is to support the people at the center of the nightmare. This is
the way we recover control over the only things we genuinely can our own
capacity for empathy, kindness and compassion.
Those of us at a distance from the tragedy tend to exaggerate the danger to
ourselves. The media saturation makes us feel as if it is continuously
happening, but we have a responsibility to maintain perspective. The
shooting was a rare occurrence, and in fact, campuses are probably amongst
the safest places in the country. What is destabilizing is the randomness
and unpredictability of the event, and the only spiritual way to deal with
the unpredictability is to love and care for those around us more deeply.
People in the inner circle of this massacre don’t need explanations of why –
none will work right now anyway. They need presence, love and support to
mourn and grieve.
To cope and heal, those most affected need to stay connected to family and
friends to feel more safe and secure. They need to talk about their feelings
and tell stories to reduce stress and create a sense of order. And they need
to be able ask for what they need.
In supporting others, the spiritual rule is that we become what we do in
comforting others we are comforted ourselves. Through caring we regain
control, and demonstrate that goodness can vanquish. Despite these eruptions
of violence and chaos, we have the power to impose meaning.
Healing is a zigzag process that occurs one small step at a time. Even
getting out of bed is a step. Parents need to help their children feel safe
and secure. Children feel safe when they follow their predictable routines.
This is the power of ritual. Encourage children to share their worries
through words or play. Reassure them how rare this is and do not be afraid
to say that you don’t know why some things happen. Give kids something to do
that provides them the opportunity to be in control and to help others, such
as making cards or drawing pictures for those who were directly affected.
The larger cultural issue of these tragedies leaves two options. We live in
a highly open, pluralist, free society, which can leave us feeling
vulnerable, fragile, and uncertain. Whatever we wind up doing to improve
security we will need to learn how to live with life’s unpredictability
that is part of the human condition. Alternatively we can live in a closed
society, with metal detectors, suspicion of our neighbors, strong borders,
ID cards, diminished privacy, and police on every corner. We will probably
marginally reduce the violent eruptions, but deep down we all know that
these kinds of explosions are part of the human experience. Chaos and
insecurity can never fully be banned from our reality.
As human beings we yearn to feel 100% safe and secure, yet we are conscious
that we live in the unredeemed space between the perfect security we desire
and the security we get. Coming to terms with this insecurity while doing
what we reasonably can to protect ourselves is a sign of maturity and
wisdom. Combining that wisdom with ever increasing kindness and love for
those around us, along with greater attention, sensitivity and care to those
nearby whose pain, mental disturbance and even evil inclinations are ticking
bombs, is to live a spiritual life.
This tragedy is a terrible wound from which some of our fellow citizens will
never fully recover. It is a scar on the American soul. To honor the
memories of those 32 innocent sons and daughters, brothers and sisters,
students and teachers, fellow citizens who died on the seemingly safe space
of higher learning, we all need to redouble our efforts to choose a life of
wisdom and compassion.
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